A special kind of slacker

Funny story…my last two posts are about what a blogging slacker I have been.

This seems like an unfair assessment.  I blog…a lot…for my business…  If you want to read my posts about mortgages, banks, the CARD act, Dodd Frank, and bankruptcy Q and A’s I have written a plethora of articles.   Believe me they are riveting pieces of literature and would be a spectacular cure for whatever strain of insomnia you are currently suffering.

I also manage my wedding website with some frequency to make sure nobody gets lost in the middle of BFE, (this is close to @VMR’s home in East Jibitz) where my wedding will be taking place.

All that being said I checked my site stats and apparently outside of people finding me via VMR, the people ultimately want to know how my pixie grow out is going.  It is easily the most popular search the leads to me so let me give the people what they want.

We are at just before the six moths stage.  This is good and bad.

The good:  No more monthly trips to get my blossoming mullet removed.  It is nice to not run the very real risk of rocking the same look as Billy Ray Cyrus circa 1992.

The bad: Yesterday an 11 year old girl asked me for my autograph and if I could introduce her to Selena Gomez.  I advised said little girl that her continued celebrity worship would only lead to a a hearing on a restraining order and poor fashion choices.

My hairdresser has advised me that this phase should be pass quickly but there is little to be done about it in the meantime.

 

 

 

 

Hello my name is slacker

So I suck.  I have blogged nothing for not quite two months but if it makes my readers feel better had i blogged it would not have been interesting at all.

So here we go.  First…a pixie update….or should i say a tiny bob update.  Not quite three months worth of progress looks like this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So that is coming along ok.  Other than that my life has been an uninteresting blur of wedding planning, working, and working out, which brings me to update 2.

I just started doing Jillian Michaels Body Revolution.  This woman, for all her irritating qualities and general health nut smuggery, pushes me harder than I would ever push myself.  So in that spirit I bought her WAY TOO EXPENSIVE as soon on tv 90 day program for my wedding get buff plan.  It came with 90 days worth of workouts and meal plans, I will be using some of them because try as I may I can’t bring myself to eat gazpacho.  Not going to happen.

We shall see.

 

You too can have a luxury port-a-pottie

So I am now in full-on wedding planning mode.  This means a glorious wedding budget excel  spreadsheet, an extensive list of guests, the preliminary round if you will, on my knot.com site, and a plethora of quotes from various vendors that all seem very eager to have me pick them to get the thousands of dollars they are asking for.

What I didn’t think I would be doing was hunting for high end port-a-potties….and yet I am.  I guess that is the cost of get for getting married in the middle of nowhere Illinois.

My fiance and I, bless his heart for agreeing to it, are getting married in my hometown.  It is closer to my family, which is about triple the size of his, our law school friends, and about a quarter of the cost of getting married in NJ for the same freaking thing.

So I made a few calls and found the perfect location for my vision of my wedding.  It is a small farm in Knoxville, IL that grows wildflowers, is beautiful, and has the date I want open.  YAHOO!  But wait…it also doesn’t have onsight bathrooms…

BALLS!

The lady who runs the farm gave me the number for a place that will bring in port-a-potties.  My first thought….ummmm…gross.  No thanks.  I start looking elsewhere when I decide I will call the place and see what they can do, showing my true and real devotion to this venue, I know.

Did you know you can rent a luxury “restroom trailer”?!?  I did not and yes you can.  This thing is basically a hotel bathroom on wheels.  I was ASTOUNDED.    It was immaculate, fully functioning, and even has a vanity mirror that you would actually want to primp in.  It flushes and has running water.  I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the pictures.  As a matter of fact, I still do not and will be personally inspecting them in the coming weeks when I go home for my shell out hundreds in deposits trip.

As I was astounded by this and showing the pictures to my staff, my secretary was particularly intrigued, I thought to myself about the first world problem I was having.  I can have the picture perfect wedding at the location I want and for the price or I want or I can have a wedding at place with bathrooms attached to the building that don’t require a mobile water pump and a trailer hitch.

Bring on the “restroom trailer”.

Pixie No More: Month One

Good news everyone.  I am getting hitched!!!  This is wonderful though it does lend more urgency to the great pixie grow out and doing this well.  Having beiber-fever  in my engagement pictures would suck….like a lot.

Here is the progress report.  I went in for a mullet removing neck trim on December 4th.  This was critical.  My stylist and I created a plan for the growing of my hair that would avoid some of the usual pixie growing pitfalls that usually plague girls, including neck trims, bangs, and other slightly more flattering ways to get through.

So here we are – one month in.  The sides and top are longer and starting to even out with the back.  Woot!

 

 

Breaking Yawn Indeed

I will admit it.  I have read all the twilight books and seen all the twilight movies.  I read the books while in law school because they are like a giant candy bar for the brain.  The movies came out right around finals so I also saw them for the candy bar effect during finals week.

And I hated the last book…and had no desire to see the last movie but my boyfriend said we had come this far, let’s finish it.  I went begrudgingly and even attempted to get him to go on the day that our cable company allows us to go to a specific movie theater for free.

And I should have stuck to my guns and not gone as not even the deliciousness of Tito’s Burritos before the movie made this piece of crap worth seeing.

Let’s start with the basic premise.  Bella and Edward are lustful teens getting hitched because in Forks, WA ancient angst-ridden vampires must be married before they have bruise inducing sex that damage very expensive furniture housed on private Brazilian islands.  That being said these moral qualms go away when they impregnate their new wife with a demon baby growing at a rapid rate and demand that they “Get that thing out of you.”

No….i am not joking…and it gets worse.

Because the book’s author is a devout Morman there will be no abortion.  Bella will have the baby at great risk to her health and is not supported by her new vampy husband who is extra angsty when he doesn’t get his way and get rid of “it”.  Her other boyfriend, Jacob the werewolf, finds out she is pregnant, deems it a monster and the stupidest scene ever commences.  The werewolves have a werewolf convention in wolf form while growling at each other with a voiceover telling you the words.

Seriously…still not joking.

After this the werewolves decide that the baby has to die and patrol the house while the werewolf boyfriend changes his mind and defends the baby.  You can guess what happens now…she has baby, nearly dies, and baby survives but wait more surprises….the baby is werewolf boyfriend’s future girlfriend, they call it imprinting, and the wolves can’t kill her….Hooray the demon baby gets to live and the pedophilia theme gets introduced!  Happy endings are the best!

It was painful….even a group of teenager girls walked out.  I wanted to but was held back by my boyfriend, his loyalty to a cause is admirable though misplaced on Twilight.  I have never been more bored while watching a movie in my life.  Not even werewolf boyfriend’s man candy amazing-ness solved the problem, though his shirtless scenes did help me get through the movie, he is shirtless a lot thank god.

So if you must see this movie you should see it for free…and bring candy. Lots of candy, maybe you will fall into a sugar induced coma and be spared this movie.

Pixie No More: Day One

Today I decided the time had officially come….to grow out my pixie.

It is not that I don’t love my pixie, I really do.  But after attending many weddings, literally monthly haircuts, and having to actually do my hair everyday (or wear a baseball cap to the gym or on my run) I have come to realization that my pixie is not actually a convenient haircut.

So I did some research on how this is done with grace and it turns out it can’t be done with grace and when blogged about often involves pics of Billy Ray Cyrus rocking a serious mullet.

I am determined to avoid the mullet and the Beiber-fever bowl cut that is apparently a part of the grow process so I will keep all updated on how this works out and what I learn along the way.

Wish me luck.

Leaving My Cell Phone At Home

My recent trip to Montreal was not only a glorious vacation with my sister that was desperately needed, it was a bit of a wake up call for me in the technology department.

I am an Iphone addict.  I know this.  My awareness of my addiction was never half the battle.  I knew I would be addicted to my phone the day that my boss bought it for me and put me on his plan.  Not only did I have an iphone…I wasn’t paying for it!  Sweet geeky joy!

So as I was preparing for my trip to Montreal it occurred to me…I won’t have a cell phone.  I commenced with the research on how to still use my phone, what options were available, etc.  The options were roaming charges or a pre-paid that you could trade out a sim card for.

Well…I couldn’t roam or I would be summarily sacked upon my boss receiving the phone bill and I have been a verizon customer for years so no sim card phones….The end result: I bought ten bucks worth of skype credit and drug my laptop to Canada, something I had not planned on doing.  I would be cell phoneless for four days.  I got on the plane, turned it off, and stuffed it in my carry-on for emergency use only.

The first day was rough.  I kept feeling phantom phone vibrations in my purse and was constantly reaching for it when I had a minute while I waited on my sister to return from paying a bill.  I would hear other people’s iphone ring or bing and immediately look for mine.  I kept wanting to get it out and take pictures to post to facebook.  Seriously there was a XXX breakfast club poster that needed to be posted.

But I couldn’t.

I used the skype credit to text my boyfriend to get on skype and talk to me at night or call him when I was back at the hotel.*

The second day….I felt liberated from my phone and the connectivity that came with it.

My sister and I had mastered the incredibly well designed Montreal metro system and the city map we had from my Fodor’s guidebook was good enough for our purposes.   We planned our day in advance to avoid any last minute issues or problems that could arise from not having access to google maps and yelped all the restaurants we wanted to try in advance.

I started to realize that without my phone I had an editor that had long been benched in my brain.  I didn’t need to post pictures of XXX Breakfast Club posters, I wanted to, but I didn’t need to.  I didn’t need to text my mom a picture of my food or immediately relay to a friend where to get the best croissant in town, she isn’t going to Montreal for months so why would she need to know now.  It can wait.  I should instead be enjoying my sister’s company and interacting with the people around me.

These were not real needs.  They were needs fabricated for me by facebook, twitter, and the iphone. And after two days…they didn’t nag at me quite so much.  I would get back to the hotel room and make the calls that needed to be made, post a few pictures, and write on my facebook wall so my mom would know I was ok enough to facebook thus not in a Canadian ditch dead from overeating.  I could check my e-mail when I got back and my work could wait.

Until I landed back in the states…and promptly took my phone out of my carry on and used the hell out of it for a full day.

Now….outside of a word game I play with a few friends, my addiction has waned a little bit.  I am not quite as OCD about my phone.  I have even been accidentally leaving it in my car overnight lately without noticing, which sucks because my rental car (don’t ask) doesn’t have an iphone charger in it like my car, making zero battery a very serious problem.

My phone and I have a much healthier relationship now.  I know that I don’t really need her but she knows that I want her.

* Skype is free computer to computer but not computer to phone but it is DIRT cheap.  I was in Montreal for five days and used the Skype credit to do everything from talk to my boyfriend to make reservations at a restaurant and of the ten bucks in credit I purchased I still have eight bucks left.